


Seeking Solace

by agamaral



Series: We don't love like we promised [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 09:40:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27848686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agamaral/pseuds/agamaral
Summary: Bellatrix's ex lover can't believe Bellatrix actions and seek comfort in an unexpected place.
Relationships: Bellatrix Black Lestrange/Original Female Character(s), Narcissa Black Malfoy & Original Female Character(s)
Series: We don't love like we promised [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1988773
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Seeking Solace

_All my friends tell me I should move on_

_I'm lying in the ocean, singing your song_

_Ah, that's how you sing it_

_Loving you forever, can't be wrong_

_Even though you're not here, won't move on_

_Dark Paradise - Lana Del Rey_

* * *

I’m in front of the enormous mansion. The building stands tall in the shadows.The night is foggy but still, the outlines of the magnificent structure are visibile. It looks like it belongs to the scary movies my muggleborn mother used to watch. 

_What the hell am I doing here? What am I looking for?_

My thoughts are interrupted by the gates opening. Now, that’s exactly what would happen in a horror movie.

And as if I haven’t watched them at all, I stupidly enter.

The Malfoy manor is intimidating, by size and class. The gardens are so extensive I wish I could just apparate inside the house. The walk to the main door is a long path, framed by well cared bushes. A long corridor that makes me perceive time like It's been an eternity since I passed the gates.

I finally enter the house. It's all so dark. Some candles light the main hall and the moonlight stubbornly tries to make its way through the windows. I wonder if it's always like this or if these walls could talk about happy days, fancy parties and treasured memories.

It’s very intimidating, even the luxurious decoration seems to be looking down on me. The portraits certainly are.

I hear a pop and my heart almost jumps out of my chest. 

“I’m sorry miss, Dobby didn’t mean to frighten you. Miss Malfoy is waiting for you at the library, may I take you there?”

It's just a elf, I calm myself. “That’s alright. Please, take me there”

We continue through the mansion in silence. I feel awkward and out of place being here. The whole house is quiet and empty creating an unsettling environment.

Thankfully, the library is not that far. “Here we are, miss”, Dobby said when we arrived in front of an adorned chestnut door. 

“Thank you, Dobby”

“You is a kind miss”, he disappears in a pop

I take a breath and open the door. 

The place is brighter than the rest of the house. Bookshelves cover almost all the walls, except where the fireplace is on the right side and the huge windows on the left. 

Narcissa is sitting on one of the armchairs by the fireplace. She looks ready for a meeting. Her posture is impeccable, her face diplomatic. Druella would be proud.

“Please, come in”

I do as she says but stop behind the armchair that is in front of her.

She looks at me. “Please, do sit down”

Well, since I’m already here. I sit, visibly uncomfortable. “It’s a beautiful house, Narcissa”, I try to make some petty conversation.

“Do you really think so? I believed you would find the mansion a very ridiculous form of opulence. A demonstration of how unfair our world is, where one family have so much.” 

I don’t miss the hint. That’s precisely what I told Bella when I was invited to a ball in the Black Manor. She was so eager for me to meet her parents. They didn’t know of our relationship, of course. They were as pleasant with me as with any other guest they didn’t really care about. I overheard them saying later I was very well educated for a blood-traitor’s daughter.

It was the first and only time I visited their family property. 

I don’t answer the woman in front of me, the memory of her sister pains me too much. 

“Well, you are an unexpected visit but I can’t say I am surprised you are here. This is about my dear sister, isn’t it?”, her voice hardly showed any emotions.

“Yes”, my voice contrasts her composed one. “I’m sorry I came here. I didn’t really process that. I heard about what happened and next thing I knew, I was here”, my right hand goes to my eyes. I’m so tired. And confused.

“That’s alright. Although I am surprised you didn’t go to Andromeda. You two are close, aren’t you?”

“Yes”, I wonder how she knows that but it’s a fact that words travel easily on the wizarding world. “But I thought she wouldn’t understand” 

“Perhaps. I don’t believe she has a lot of love for us, after all”

Her parents disowning Andy wasn’t out of character for them. But her sisters turning their back on her was a painful blow. When I visited her for the first time after that, her anger was just as scary as Bella’s.

“She does love you two, but you hurt her a great deal”

“I’m afraid we’re all hurting”, she says and with her wand brings a bottle of fire whiskey and pour two glasses.

I thank her and she smiles before drinking. 

“So….I thought you’ve moved on from her”

“I’ve moved on with my life, yes. I loved her but she made her choice.”

“You made your choice too”

“But she was the one that left”, I try to defend myself.

“Yes, and you didn’t leave with her” 

“How could I, Narcissa? Look at what they did!”, I raise my voice. Surely Narcissa couldn't expect me to stand by Bella when she was following Voldemort.

“I know. Don’t think I have any more love than you do for that lot. But I always endure what I must for my husband and my family”

I guess that settles Lucius being a Death Eater.

“Where is he, by the way?”

“Not sure. Hiding or making some deal with the Ministry”

“Why are you telling me all this?”

“Aren’t we on a neutral zone right now? You came here to tell me things your side wouldn’t take lightly, would they?”

The reminder of why I came to Narcissa makes breathing a little more difficult. All my emotions are trying to resurface. My friends were all crying about what happened to the Longbottoms. And here I am, on a death eater's mansion, pained by the arrest of the woman who tortured them.

“How could she?”

“You don’t know her now”, Narcissa answers. “She learned a lot. Dark magic. She was excelling, one of his most loyal and trustworthy followers.”. The woman in front of me doesn’t phase at all. She’s not the same girl I used to know. She was always reserved but not as cold. I wonder what happened to her.

“But she was never heartless!”

“And she isn’t now. But I don’t think she loves anything more than her cause.”

My eyes are watering. I feel a lump on my throat. 

“She’s….I don’t recognize her anymore. Her actions…”

She cuts my phrase. “Don’t you?”, she snorts, “You’ve always believed too much on the good of people. Yes, Bella is different now. She’s focused on a cruel cause. She became even more fearless because of how powerful she is. Meaner. Even little things can set her off in a tantrum.” She sighs. “I used to feel the same when she did that. That I didn’t recognize her. But we could see the signs then, couldn’t we? Her anger, her stubbornness, her mockery. Her controlling nature”

I get disturbed by her reasoning. “That’s different, Narcissa! She was just a kid. We were so young”

“Yes, it’s different but at the same time….She was the one who suffered the most on our parents’ hands, you know that. She went down a path propitious for her hurting to thrive.” 

It’s hard to believe that the young woman I once loved was now the feared Bellatrix Lestrange. The same one who was kind to me, who protected her sisters. Yes, she was troubled then but this? I’ve never known to a full what she endured from her parents but I knew it wasn’t a healthy environment. She didn’t feel loved, she feared them and desperately sought their approval. I remember once spotting bruises on her when she came back to Hogwarts after Christmas. When I mentioned she dressed up quickly and left, we had a big fight when I tried to ask her about it again.

I drink the rest of the fire whiskey at once, letting the burn of the liquid in my throat numb the burn of wrath I feel at Cygnus and Druella’s actions. Instantly, the bottle fills up my glass.

Narcissa sighs, her head turns to the side, eyes falling in the darkness outside. The moonlight and the clarity from the fireplace forming a perfect light. I notice how her beautiful features are tense, her jaw clenched.

“I don’t believe she did it. If that matters”

“How so?”

“She’s cruel, yes, but she’s smarter than that. She wanted information. I don’t see how making them insane would help.”

“The Cruciatus curse-”

“It’s her favorite”, I gulp at that, “she knows better than to use it recklessly”

“If she didn’t do it, Narcissa, she shouldn’t be going to Azkaban. Did you talk to her?”

She laughs, shaking her head while she gets up.

“Do you think they are letting me talk to her? I knew she was arrested from the Daily Prophet. Even if she didn’t do it, they won’t believe her, won't give her a proper trial. They need to put all involved behind bars otherwise people will want Bagnold’s head on a stick”

My elbows rest on my knees while I put my face on my hands. I’m so tired of this mess. Of not knowing what it’s true, not knowing how to feel. “Narcissa, if she didn’t do it….you need to help”

“Don’t you think I’m trying?” she snapped and I’m surprised that she broke her emotionless facade. Her gaze is fixated on me. 

“I’m sorry Narcissa, I just…..I don’t even know what to do anymore, what I’m supposed to feel”

“I understand”, her gaze softens. “More than you think”

She pats the skirt of her dress, as to straighten it but the garment is perfect. I take it as a way of trying to compose herself. She walks and takes her glass of fire whiskey, drinking almost half of it before talking.

“I feel like a traitor too”, I look inquiring at her. “When Lucius came to me desperate that the dark mark was disappearing, I was...surprised. All of them became worried, sad in one way or another. Either because they actually adored the Dark Lord or merely because they yearned for the changes he promised. But I felt relieved. Happy even…..I suppose your worries now are also far from where the people on your side have their heart on.”

I look at her startled. It makes sense. In our own ways, we find ourselves torn between our alliances and our hearts. 

After some minutes, I finally break the silence. Narcissa’s already on her armchair again.

“Does she resent me?”

She gives me a half smile. “In a way, yes, but she resents herself more. She has the conscience that her choices took her to a path that wouldn’t allow much of a life for your relationship. When Andromeda left, Bellatrix tore Andy's bedroom down. Mother would be mad at the mess but she thought it was suited to destroy the remaining of my sister’s belongings.”

I try to hold back my tears. I remember Andy and Ted’s wedding, it was a beautiful day but before the ceremony started, I held Andy while she cried because of her family.

“I’d never seen Bella’s so furious”, Narcissa continues. “She was enraged at Andy, yes, but I believe she was furious at herself, for not having the courage Andy did.”

I grew used to Andromeda’s resemblance to Bellatrix. Sometimes people mistake Andy for her older sister, but knowing both for this long, I know the differences by heart. How Andromeda’s cheekbones are lower, her eyes lighter and slightly bigger and how they squinch when we laugh at some silly joke. But when she was at the altar, dressed in white and smiling at her lover, not all of the tears that painted their ways down my face were of happiness. It was easy to imagine Bella in her place.

“Bellatrix blamed Andromeda for leaving the family after she chose to stay to protect us. Bella truly believed she made the best choice for us”, Narcissa looks down at her glass and I can’t help but feel sympathy sensing her vulnerability for the first time.

“I can’t say I agree with her”. 

Narcissa nods. “Me neither”

“More fire whiskey?” She offers me, always the perfect host. 

“Sure”, I answer, offering my glass to the bottle floating in front of me.

“You know I’ve never particularly liked you”

I arch my eyebrows at her and can’t help smiling even if it was not actually a nice statement. 

“That’s a way of putting it.”

She smirks. “Nevertheless, I’ve wished many times that my sister had left with you”, a frown appears in her face, “The day before her wedding, she was so lost in her thoughts. It was strange, even of her. When I went to talk to her she told me she wanted to see you one last time. We came up with a plan. But my mother didn’t leave Bella out of her sight until she saw her in Lestrange’s arms”, she says bitterly and I quiver at the thought of Bellatrix marrying Rudolph.

The day they eloped I went to a muggle bar and finished the night at a stranger’s bed. The woman was sweet and soft, so different from Bella. It was good but it didn’t numb the pain for long.

The next morning, I apparated at Andromeda’s door. Ted gave me a potion for my hangover and I cried my eyes and heart out. When it appeared I had no more tears to shed, Andy gave me a long talk about how I needed to forget her sister for good and how wouldn't do me any good drink it up and fall in the arms of strangers. Sometimes I wonder how tiresome it must be for her to keep telling me the same after all these years.

“Maybe If I had gone after her….”

‘Don’t”, Narcissa gestures to me to stop, “It’s no use to blame yourself. As I said, my sister made her choices. You can’t hold on the thought of being her saviour”

I swallow my words. What’s done is done.

“Well, you will have to excuse me”, the blonde witch stands up and I do the same, “You are more than welcome to stay the night if you would like”

“I appreciate but I don’t want to burden you”

“Nonsense. Allow yourself to cry for her tonight. You can go back to your friends tomorrow.”

As she walks past me, my hand gently grabs her right wrist so she would stop. “Thank you, Narcissa”

She looks at my hand before her blue eyes study my face. God, must all the Black Sisters have these meaningful glances and powerful presences? My hand on her wrist is soothed by the touch of the blonde’s left hand. She gives me a small smile before leaving the room and I stand alone on the Malfoy’s library.


End file.
